I want to wake up and find joy in each and every day. I found that finding joy in other things helped me to give up the need to control so much.
One of the things I struggled with was excessive, obligatory, and compulsory exercise. I chose exercise over other things in my life that could provide JOY. Exercise provided a way for me to numb feelings and provided a distraction from everything that was going on. My exercise regimen was not to provide health, stress relief, and other GOOD benefits we all know to be true. I convinced everyone that I loved to run marathons, spend tons of time at the gym, and participate in every activity I could.
I had to reduce my exercise while in treatment. At first I thought it would kill me– literally; however, I soon found that there were other things that I truly enjoyed.
Those other things brought me JOY
During and after treatment it can be very difficult to find the right balance between exercise, eating, and general self-care. One thing that helped me was focusing on the things I could do and how my body provided the ability to do them. As I gained weight (and strength) I actually felt better when exercising. It was not as exhausting or mentally draining. I began to THANK GOD as I did anything for the ability HE gave me.
“Thank you God for giving me legs to carry my children”
“Thank you for giving me arms to throw a ball with my son”
It is much harder to hate a body that is able to do the things you really love. Sure, my thighs are not as tone as they once were nor I cannot run as fast. The thing I can do it sit down and play a game with my children without worrying about calories. I can play a game of tennis and enjoy it without thinking of the number of calories I am burning.
Find something you like to do. Exercise is a GOOD THING if done for the RIGHT REASON. Additionally, you have to eat enough to keep your body healthy and support the exercise.
I love that I can be active and do things that I really enjoy without being plagued by disordered thoughts. I encourage everyone to explore all of the options out there. Make sure you are healthy enough and have approval. If you do then the sky is the limit. It is also more fun to have others to socialize with!